This post was supposed to be more about the move and how my goals need to change (for the short term anyway).
I was going to talk about my 101 in 1001 riding goals. I was going to talk about how I need to put them on hold for now, how I won’t be showing this year, and how I likely won’t meet the 1001 time line. I was also going to talk about how the timeline doesn’t really matter. For me the 101 in 1001 was just a way to jump start doing things and getting things done. A way to solidify all my goals and wants into a must do list. So that they aren’t just floating around in ‘it might be nice to one day…’
And then I got pissed. Really pissed. I’m a crier when I’m pissed. And that makes me more pissed.
And it made me want to air all my grievances and possibly even throat punch a few people.
But I won’t because I’m not that girl. If I’m not going to say it to your face then I’m sure as hell not going to say it behind your back. Well ok, I might say it behind your back. But it would only be to my most trusted of friends, behind closed doors, and in confidence (J I’m looking at you. Thanks for talking me off that CN Tower ledge).
So instead I’m going to talk about equestrian goals and how important it is to consider the horse.
I may or may not have been accused of giving up to easy, as the wind changes I believe were the words used. I call bullshit on this one. It also may or may not have been implied to me that my goals should be put above Tucker. I’m not ok with that. I do not have endless amounts of money to fix him or to replace him. I do not have an endless string of horses. If I make the choice to not jump my horse due to not quite rightness. Well that’s my choice. Goals be damned. Tucker is not expendable.
Do I think he can still be jumped despite the wonky steps being back (ugh!)? Yes. I know he can. Do I think Tuck was really pissed that we left the ring without jumping? Yes. I know he was. He definitely wanted to work.
Jumping doesn’t seem to have any impact on the NQR. But what’s the point? My goals have been firmly put on hold. We’re moving. We’re not showing this year. Moving forward I’m not even sure how much jumping I want to do (I feel I should add that I won’t ever give it up completely, obviously my horse loves it to much).
I guess what I’m trying to say is that riding goals are a croc of shit. Maybe that’s a little strong. But that’s how I feel right now. I have goals, but if those goals remain on my to do list forever. Oh well. If I never have the nerve or the horse that can help me accomplish those goals. Oh well.
New most important of All goals is to have fun, and enjoy every moment with my horse and to make sure he’s enjoying every moment too. Yes we’ll continue moving forward and working on things. If one day we can tick those higher goals off my list I’ll be ecstatic. But his comfort and wellbeing are more important than my desire to win ribbons or shiny plates. His trust in me and the maintenance of our partnership is more important to me.
Side note: I did leave the ring. But I went into another one and continued working on the flat. A lot of walk and some trot and trying to get him to stretch out. He felt a bit better by the end but he was still taking wonky steps. I massaged his back end after and he immediately cocked a hip and started chewing and lowered his head. Hopefully that helped. All day turnout at the new barn will hopefully help too. If not I’ll get his chiropractor out again.
Side note #2: I do love ribbons and shiny plates and despite my ridiculous nerves I want to win all the things. I see those things one day being a thing for us again. But in our own time and in our own way. I will not stand having someone else’s ideals thrust upon us.