I am going to talk about it though. I need to get these thoughts out of my head. It was bad. So bad I almost take back what I said about Tucker being my heart horse. The honeymoon period is definitely over.
I’m feeling discouraged. I feel like he’s testing me again. And I don’t know how to respond in order for me to come out on top. I think the lines are blurred between horse and human. Between who’s supposed to be listening to whom.
Yes, yes I know it’s a bit of a two way communication and partnership. But ultimately when I ask for something he should be responding in appropriate ways. I don’t necessarily expect correct responses right away. It’s a work in progress. But I do expect appropriate.
Appropriate does not mean giving me the horse version of fuck off when I ask for a turn on the forehand.
I recognize that this is not all his fault. After all I’m learning how to properly ask for all these lateral movements at the same time he’s learning to do them. Without a doubt there is some user error going on.
I don’t think that here is enough error on my part to elicit rearing. That’s what I got. Him threatening to go right up 3 times. And bucking and backing and teeth grinding. He was right pissed off. How dare I ask him to move his body around.
It shouldn’t have been that bad. For weeks now we’ve been doing/working on shoulder in, haunches in, turn on the haunches. He’s been frustrated. But he’s worked with me. And we’ve been figuring things out. Those lessons were very satisfying and productive.
But Sunday there was no working together. It was a battle of wills. Eventually we had to give up. Hopefully not in a way where he feels he’s won. We were very boarder line of teaching him some very bad aversions. Not good.
I feel like a failure. Like 23+ years of riding have been a waste of time because clearly I know nothing. But at the same time how could I possibly know how to respond to questions I’ve never been asked. Ugh! Frustration.
So what now? Do I back off a bit and re-evaluate how I’m riding and asking for things? Or do I make him work like he’s never worked before, making sure he knows I’m the leader not him? I just don’t know.